Because so many of you have asked for it–this is a lie; actually, no one has asked–here’s my latest Twitter opus, “88 Lines About 44 Sitcoms.” I spent almost a day working on it, and I feel confident in saying that it’s good enough to give away for free on the Internet.
88 Lines About 44 Sitcoms:
Alice worked with Mel and Vera; Flo would let you kiss her grits.
Hogan’s Heroes had dumb Nazis, finding humor in the Blitz.
Eddie Haskell was a suck-up: “You look lovely, Mrs. Cleaver.”
WKRP’s best deejays? Venus Flytrap, Johnny Fever.
Samantha twitched her nose to summon Agnes Moorehead and Paul Lynde.
Mary Tyler Moore was spunky, tossed her hat up in the wind.
Archie Bunker was a loudmouth, had a good chair and good heart.
Bosom Buddies serves to show us Tom Hanks had a goofy start.
Diff’rent Strokes was cautionary: Don’t let your kid be a star.
Major Nelson was the master of a Jeannie in a jar.
Murphy Brown’s non-wedlock baby made some politicians quail.
Favorite random line from Cheers? “You can really taste the kale.”
Gilligan’s an archetype, the trickster-fool, the dopey mate.
Seinfeld may have been the first to let characters masturbate.
Mork and Mindy gave us Robin Williams and “Nanu Nanu.”
The Golden Girls gabbed over cheesecake: “Picture it, Sicily, ’22.”
Lucy had some wacky plans, gave her lots of things to ‘splain.
Seattle’s full of caffeine addicts, listening to Frasier Crane.
Ralph Kramden to-the-moon’ed whenever Alice gave him flack.
Sweathogs were unlikely heroes, welcomed Mr. Kotter back.
Raymond’s family lived too close, made his wife a tad uneasy.
Florence was a sharp-tongued gal, moved on up with George and Weezy.
Jed found black gold, Texas tea; Hollywood now welcomes rubes.
Janet, Jack and Chrissy knew a thousand different words for boobs.
Fonzie jumped a shark but still remained the very soul of cool.
The Fresh Prince had a fight while playing b-ball outside of the school.
Maude’s abortion broke new ground; wow, her neighbor sure was snooty.
Mrs. Garrett cracked the whip over Jo and Blair and Tootie.
Rob Petrie worked with Mel and Sally, writing Alan Brady’s jokes.
I’m guessing here: is there a very special Blossom where she smokes?
Green Acres’ couple traded Saks for a podunk country store.
M*A*S*H’s turmoil in Korea lasted longer than the war.
Laverne’s L’s were all-pervasive, maybe even on her bra.
Latka fixed the cars on Taxi, spoke in terms like “Ibi da?”
Benson worked hard for the governor, handled Ms. Kraus with aplomb.
Charles’s charges kept him busy; somehow, he knew Chachi’s mom.
Night Court’s hipster judge did card tricks, was a fan of Mel Torme.
Joey had a brain transplant while playing Dr. Remoray.
Webster was a charming urchin; he was black, his parents white.
Good Times showed that in the projects, you can still be dyn-o-mite.
The Cosby Show was at its best when the kids were acting sneaky.
The Brady Bunch went to Hawaii, met Don Ho and found a tiki.
Roseanne’s last season was nuts; everything is just a twist.
Bob Newhart, here’s a kiss: I chose you to end this list.